Brand new DAY

So I read my last post. Creepy. I knew it was coming. could feel it. I didnt quite code on the table but came as close as one could. And then the rest of the story unfolds.

I'm not going to try to explain it all now. There's too much. But I'm compiling some notes from Sis and others about the stuff I cant remember or was unconscious for. I'm gonna try to put them together in a book form maybe. I dunno yet. But I did come up with a title. The LVAD Diaries.

See my life now isnt really my own. I owe so much to so many. I have to pay things forward as I can. I'm under the control of the devices keeping me alive & the people that maintain & tune them. But its OK. I'm happy to be here.

So, I'm the same guy. Kinda. But most has changed. And I have to do something with what has been given to me. I must make a difference in this life and forget the mistakes of the old one. It's a brand new day. I'm alive. Birds are chirping, flowers blooming, breeze blowing. And my out door walk went from 5 to 12 minutes today. I will get stronger. I'm kinda glad no one has really seen me. I'm frail & weak. still very much in the early stages of recovery. I still have pain from my incisions and what not. But for some reason I think I should just be able to go,go,go.  And so patience must be learned at a higher level. acceptance of small gains toward a larger goal is now my practice. As long as I stay under power & I can fight off the pain, I'm gonna be OK for whatever is left.

I will say this. This blog is changed too. No more will I speak of things the way I have done in the past. The bitterness & harshness remain. I just overcome that with the appreciation of all that is good.

I dont know if I can continue this blog under this title with these stories behind me. It may get stuffed away for a  better written word in a much different context.


PEACE!

26 days from Death's door & still going.