another same day. And the best I recall it went somethin like this.

SO I finished with 1981.

'82-'86 The school years.Now I debated on writing nothing about this time. It seems uneventful but then I start to see pieces. Fragments that were blocked or forgotten. I'll share a couple. But first let me set the stage a little.


I was very much a normal teenager. Normal being the subjective word here. I didnt think beyond sex, drugs & rock-n-roll. There was some angst, some rebellion. I pushed the envelope some. And my school chums recollections of me vary but I'm harder on & more critical of myself than anyone else. This was the time in my life when drugs entered for the first time. My sister had introduced me to pot in Missouri but it didnt really take. It was after the move that getting high & fitting in became the option I chose. It really is the easiest way. And teenagers do like the easy way out now dont we?


So I've got friends now. Dad is chasing this job & after we moved he left to work in another city & come home on the weekends. He had alot of reasons for doing this but when you look back on it he was trapped in a cycle of dysfunction too. It was easier to live the life he wanted while being away. I mean, think about it. Married with children but only on the weekends. Mon-Fri he could drink, drug, & womanize. He did alot of all of that & then some. This is the part of my life when Dad was the enemy and Mom seemed weak.


 Someone else's struggles to come to terms can often be viewed in any other light than the light of truth. Happens everyday to all of us. This was no exception. The rule I learned that I have carried is NEVER judge a book by it's cover. Unless you live it you can't judge it. People are flippant & it pisses me off. When do the masses search for enlightenment? Could we get to that time please? I'd be much happier. And so would they.


So it's a Friday night. Me & the boys are going to the Midnight movie. Rocky Horror I think. On the way we had drinks & drugs. We were primed & there were 5 of us packed into a VW bug. It was a testosterone filled party. We were having fun. I'm riding shotgun. The following scene will be remebered in slo-mo. Driving up the road, probably too fast, approaching a S turn. An overcorrection brings my attention forward & off the party in the back seat. Up on the 2 left wheels. Headlights. Steering correction brings the car back to 4 tires & then swings onto the 2 right sides. Herbie the love bug style. But with alot more panic. Darryl set the car of all four & hits the brakes. The car begins to skid. & slides around the car coming head on. Spins counterclockwise 270 degrees & reaches the edge of the embankment ass first. Down the hill. Rolling over from the left rear corner. 2 1/2 rolls til the bug rests on the drivers side. Stopped. Breath returns. We start to climb out. I can remember stepping on Darryl's head to get out. Not by accident but as more of a way of showing my disapproval.

We're all ok. We'd be sore tomorrow but right now we're good. The guys decide its a good idea to stand around the back of the car & have a post wreck smoke. Gas & fluids still spilling out. As a mechanic's son I know this aint a good idea. I scramble up the hill & walk to the edge of the roadway. And at that exact moment a girlfriend's sister & her boyfriend pull by. " Hey man, are you OK?" "Yeah. Hey can I get a ride?"  I'm out. They take me back to their place. Which is about 300 yds from my house. But I'd much rather have a little TLC in peace & quiet then go home.


I think it was about 2:30 am Maybe closer to 3. I'm passed out in her bed. Her sister comes in to wake us. My Dad is standing at the door. Uh, WHY? How did he know where I was? Did he hear about the wreck? Is he worried? Did he come to save me? Nope. Upon reaching the doorstep, sluggish, sore & just awakening, I'm grabbed by the throat & lifted thru the doorframe. " Get your ass in that car right now." I must be in trouble. Sorry. But wait.



I wasnt in trouble for failing to report an accident or alleviating my parents fears. He was oblivious. Blind drunk. I was in trouble because I hadnt swept the garage properly. Not that I hadnt swept it at all but it was done wrongly. Lifted out of a friends place by the throat by an enraged drunk because dust remained. I was overlorded while I swept the garage @ 3a.m. I did it without saying a word. It was better that way. When I had finished to pass the white glove test all I wanted was sleep & rest. Nah, He has plans for me. Have a seat on an old milk crate. Sit here til the sun comes up & he's had enough time to wax philosophical & come down. Around 6 or so I was released freom bondage. This scene repeated itself in one form or another for several years. I think I remember it so vividly now because of the accident. As I look back now I can see the pain & dysfunction he was in. At the time was confusion & an overwhelming desire to just be left alone.


 Girls were soft & pretty & smelled good. They couldnt possibly understand but they could comfort. I'll take advantage of that & perpetuate the dysfunction a little more. It took much later in life to have the realization that every action has a consequence. Not some, ALL. The most trivial decision you make today. Think about who it affects & in what way. Can you go that deep? It will boggle your mind. And when poor decisions are made an adverse reaction occurs to the point of the breakdown of life as we know it.


Again, path toward enlightenment. Keep an eye on the big picture at all times & realize that what you do today touches someone tomorrow. Even if that wasnt your intent.


So thats enough for awhile. I'll finish highschool later & we'll start to get into some more substantial fuck ups.