Day 3 So I skipped yesterday. Sue me.

Its been an interesting couple of days over this weekend. Responses in regards to this blog. New friendships already taking root because of this thing I created. Or, more appropriately, was created through me. While I do have my own personal motivations it has been pointed out to me that writing in a place that is open to the public does have it's responsibilities. So be it. But I will not temper. I will not sugar coat. My life hasnt been sugar-coated & neither will its reflection. Not for you? Change the damn channel. I'll repeat an excerpt from day one. This is for me.


I've contemplted what I would talk about today. It has me stuck. Theres alot to get to. Should I start where I left off with my family? Maybe. That stuff has got to come out. Should I talk about my health? Eventually I must, but if I write it down then it's permanent & I'm not ready for those consequences yet. Strong as I may, or may not, be some things I am scared of. And thats the biggee. It's not going anywhere anytime soon. I'll procrastinate on that one for awhile. Maybe I should write a little humorous tid bit or two. Quote someone famous or a movie I like. And yet no muse is upon me.


But I do have this to say. Thank You. To those that have commented in private. To those that have helped along my journey with this. In the few short days since this began I have received lovely comments. For that I am humbled & honored. But what you will see & hear over the next few weeks will cause you to stir. Force you  to question. Tug at your heart strings and alter your perceptions. I'd apologize but it wouldnt be sincere. I'm not sorry. I've tried in earnest to be the fixer. The people pleaser. To be the glue that held it together. It's the co-dependant in me. It either went unnoticed or unappreciated. In some cases used against me. And so I'll swing to the other side. Not really by choice but more out of necessity. So If I come across gruff, angry & unfriendly here it's because I have no other outlet. Would you rather I kept it in til I snapped? Didnt think so. If you judge me by the words here then you don't know me. And if you judge at all then I don't want to know you.

I find that music has been the one constant for me. I was a DJ for awhile. I lightly studied music & it's theories. That side isnt my thing. The engineering aspect suits me more. From a very young age I was the guy in the concert T-shirt. The one that spent hours alone making mix tapes & listening. Always listening to the sounds that make up our world. Someone once said that music is the soundtrack to our lives. Corny? Eh, maybe. But I believe truer words were never spoken. Lyrics from another seem to fit in so many instances & I will quote popular music her often.Sometimes others speak what I feel better than I can. A verse has stuck in my head for days now. I'm going to rid myself of it here today. It's by Trent Reznor. Nine Inch Nails. Remade by Johnny Cash shortly before his own death. It's called Hurt.


 " I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel.
Focused on the pain. The only thing that's real.
The needle tears a hole. That old familiar sting.
Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything.
What have I become? My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know, goes away in the end."


What I find is that when you strip away the music the lyrics themselves often carry much more punch. Why? Probably because your mind has only the written word to concentrate on. For me lyrical content often penetrates much deeper when I read it than when I'm singing along in the car. Hopefully it's the same for you & it makes a difference. But it's ok if it doesn't.

 I'm gonna take a break for awhile. Come back more focused. The thing is as I begin to feel the therapeutic effects of this blog I find that what I want is to write, constantly. But without direction it's just rambling and doesnt serve the purpose for which it is intended. So I'll temper myself & keep these ramblings to a minimum.


My advice for today is tell someone you love them. If you have no one close then it doesnt matter who. Want a good laugh? While in line at the store just tell the person in front of you that you love them & watch the reaction. Their perception of your sanity is not, necessarily, your reality.


Peace.